no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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