fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
