in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
