ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
