What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
