Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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