eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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