I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
