apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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