i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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