now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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