My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i can't believe i had my finger in that
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
