I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
