just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize