Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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