im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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