I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mom said you looked used
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
