You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
