If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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