i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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