Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!