She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.