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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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  27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know

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• (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.

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  These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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• (619): View more from California

  Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.

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