can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.