After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight