I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
