Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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