I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Panties = found
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