Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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