i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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