Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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