he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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