Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
