she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize