i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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