Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
