i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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