apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
