but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so let's talk penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
