she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
