Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
