He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
