I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
