Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
