your parents love me but you hate me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
