The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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