I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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