i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
