I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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