Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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