Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
