if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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