after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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