I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
