My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
