nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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