Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
