Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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