She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
