oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
