Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
