It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
