and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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