You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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