Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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