somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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