Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
