"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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