Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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