oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
