just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pooping to opera.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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