I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
