Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
