we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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